Sakiawarner's Journals

FOREVER AND A DAY

It seems like it has been that long since i logged onto Buzznet.

I am SUPER busy with the business but that doesnt mean I'm gone.

Check for me on myspace myspace.com/klm30

or check for me on yahoo messenger sky beumont
or on AIM SakiaWarner

I am around and you guys can chat me up there!!

I am just too busy right now to do much writing...

Hope all of you are well and have GREAT HOLIDAYS!!!

Pieces Part 2

OK so it wasn't a total stand alone. I got the idea for a second part.. Peters POV and that is found below.

If you want to listen to the song that this came from .. you can find the video and the link here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNJK5BLon7w

Enjoy

I watched her walk out the door. It was the same thing, every time, Iâ�™d let her get so close, and then I pushed her away. Stupid, so freaking stupid! I slammed my flat palm into the wall, feeling it crack under the contact. I was mentally cursing myself for what I was doing,. Why couldnâ�™t I just accept her? Why couldnâ�™t I let her in?

Because I didnâ�™t want her to die. I didnâ�™t want to hold her in my arms, watching the life drain from her. I couldnâ�™t do it, wouldnâ�™t do it. My forehead rested against the wall as I tried to block the images that haunted me every time I saw her. I hated this, the helplessness of knowing what was to come and unable to stop it. If I kept her away, I could save her, it wouldnâ�™t be me holding her when she died.

That thought shook me, my head jerking up from where it was. What if it wasnâ�™t me holding her? What if she died alone, what if a stranger was the one who held her as she took her last breath? I grabbed the sides of my head, screaming wordless in frustration. I couldnâ�™t keep doing this! Why canâ�™t I just stop these thoughts, these images? No, keeping my distance was how I needed to handle this. I felt it, I knew it was right.

But why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel an ache when she leaves the room, like someone was tearing the very breath from me, taking my heart from my chest?

I ripped the jacket off, throwing it on the floor, feeling as if it was suffocating me as I paced in the apartment. Caged, like an animal, that was how I felt. My inner thoughts warred with each other, one wanting to run to her, the other wanting her as far away from me as possible. Iâ�™d almost gotten myself killed again, earlier, trying to be a hero again.

Why did I have this need to make things right? Claire tells me Iâ�™m just a good person, maybe Iâ�™m trying too hard? Maybe I should concentrate on those close to me?

I slid my hands into my hair, grasping it as I closed my eyes trying to just put her out of my mind.

I canâ�™t do this.

I canâ�™t leave her alone, and I canâ�™t keep hurting myself, her, this way.

She was another part of my life that I kept screwing up, hurting her over and over by trying to save her. I couldnâ�™t tell her what I saw, couldnâ�™t tell her every time I got close I had to block those images, the fear welled deep inside me. It made it hard to breathe, hard to swallow. Fear that overwhelming. I felt it when I was with her. I couldnâ�™t bear the thought of holding her as she died.

But I canâ�™t save the world can I? Event after event has happened, pulling us this way and that and always I find myself at her door, wanting only to have her wrap her arms around me and tell me everything will be fine. Iâ�™d lost Simone, could I lose her too?

Could I live through the pain of knowing if Iâ�™d kept my distance she might be alive? Could I live without her? Did I want to?

The other side of my brain worked against me, making me doubt. What if my leaving her alone is what brings her death? What if by staying away, I bring about everything I fear?

Life is what you make of it. Iâ�™d heard those words. Destiny is in our own hands, our own choices, nothing is written in stone. Nothing.

Iâ�™d had other visions, and they didnâ�™t happen, weâ�™d changed things.

I could change it.

There was no thought other than her. I could only think about her brown eyes, her smile, the way her hair fell around her face as I ran down that hall yelling her name.

I saw her there on the stairs, stopping as I yelled her name once more. She looked up at me, her eyes bright with tears and she was the most beautiful thing I think Iâ�™d ever seen. Seeing her there, on those stairs, my heart swelled and I didnâ�™t care what might happen, only the here and now. Iâ�™d risk my life for her. Iâ�™d die to protect her. Nothing mattered to me but being with her.

Only her.

Pieces (A Heroes One Shot)

I love the tv show Heroes and esp.. the hotness that is Peter Petrelli. I wrote this as an idea to maybe expand on and thought I would share it here!

His black hair was tucked back behind his right ear, the rest of it fell to frame his face. His brown eyes held the smallest amount of unshed tears, the water held there above dark lashes seemed to make his eyes sparkle more than they already did. Dark brows furrowed over those sienna depths, filled with confusion, pain, but most of all, need. I could hear it in his mind, over and over. â�œDonâ�™t push me away, pleaseâ� He was still wearing the suit he had worn earlier in the night, but now the shoes and tie were gone, the dress shirt unbuttoned from his neck. The stark white of the shirt was littered with deep maroon streaks, his blood. The sight made my breath catch in my throat, eyes searching him for signs of injury and finding none. But the blood was real. He was real.

He lifted his eyes to me again, searching my eyes for acceptance. He held his hand out to me, a gesture to me. Each step I took felt like a mile, as if I the space between us equaled the space we wished we could put between us, but it wouldnâ�™t happen. I stretched out my arm, laying my hand in his pal . My breath caught in my throat as his fingers slid around my wrist. He pulled me against him quickly, his head resting against mine as we stood there. His arms wrapped around me tightly. I could hear his thoughts, just as he could hear mine. â�œThank youâ� He spoke without saying a word, I felt him, heard him and held him even tighter then.

The world around us seemed to be falling apart, he.. he was something more, something beyond human as was I. Weâ�™d been thrust into a place weâ�™d never asked for, given powers we were still learning, unsure of. That was how Iâ�™d met him.

Heâ�™d saved me, pulling me from where I stood on that bridge, ready to die for a power I couldnâ�™t control, couldnâ�™t get a handle on. Iâ�™d never met him before that moment, but he was instantly there, pulling me down and held me, soothing fears I didnâ�™t understand, promising me that heâ�™d be there. He thought I was beautiful, knew I wanted to end things, my ability to hear the thoughts and feel what others felt. I didnâ�™t know how to stop it, how to control it. Three months weâ�™d spent, talking on the phone, spending hours sitting on a rooftop, watching the city trying to make sense of what was happening and why.

His hands smoothed my hair down as he held me, rocking our bodies back and forth slowly, gently. I couldnâ�™t do anything more than cling to him at that moment, wanting to say so much but there was no need. He could hear my thoughts, feel me the same way. He copied my powers, and those of others like us. Heâ�™d been my knight in shining armor, heâ�™d been the answer to my prayers.

â�œSometimes itâ�™s nice to hear it from your lips, out loudâ� he whispered, tilting my chin up to look at him.

I couldnâ�™t help but smile, finding his ability to read my thoughts at times as unnerving as I thought my own were. â�œYeah, I guess it is huh?â�

He smiled and gave a little nod. â�œI like the sound of your voice,â� his finger slid down my cheek in a soft gesture. It comforted as well as excited. I couldnâ�™t stop myself with the words that came out.

â�œProbably as much as I like yoursâ�

â�œYou like mine huh?â� he asked with a crooked grin, head tilting as he gazed down at me. I nodded with a smile. It was hard to stop the thoughts, hard to stop thinking how I wanted him to kiss me, how I wanted to feel his chest bare under my fingers. I licked my lips as I thought again about kissing him.

â�œDonâ�™t Kellan, donâ�™t think things like that, because I canâ�™t block you out, I canâ�™t keep you out of my mindâ� he whispered.

â�œWho said I wanted to be kept out?â� I asked, laying my hand on the side of his face. â�œI canâ�™t hide, not from you and youâ�™ve thought it before too, we think it all the time.â� I could feel him, could see the images in his mind, his thoughts forming images of us, together, naked on his bed, sheets tangled around us as he pushed himself deep inside me. It drew a gasp from me, the image making me warm all over.

He shoved me backward, breaking the contact, shaking his head. â�œGod I canâ�™tâ�¦. we shouldnâ�™tâ�¦.â� his words were staggered, fighting his own thoughts, his own desires and needs. I reached for him again.

â�œWe can Peter. We have the right to be happyâ�

â�œAnd if I hurt you? What then?â� he snapped, turning to face me, brows drawn together. He wasnâ�™t angry at me, he was angry at himself, for his lack of control.

â�œYou wonâ�™t hurt me,â� I whispered, I knew his power, knew his potential. I knew my own.

â�œHow can you be sure.. what ifâ�¦ I canâ�™t control it?â�

â�œYouâ�™re afraid you canâ�™t hold onto meâ� I replied softly. It was his fear, that heâ�™d lose me, that I would leave him, or heâ�™d lose me by some strange twist of fate.

â�œStop it Kel, just stop, get out of my head!â� he yelled. I stared at him, suddenly feeling cold. I closed my eyes and closed him off, shut him out of my mind as best I could leaving a coldness deep inside me that burned. I turned and began to walk away from him, leaving him standing in that empty room, feeling much the same way. It always ended the same way, him pushing me away and me leaving, until we would run into each other once more, the attraction, the chemistry begging to be explored and always left unfulfilled and I had a feeling that would never change. He'd shatter my heart into a million pieces and I let him, because he was the only one who could put it back together.

I loved Peter Petrelli, but it would never be more than a dream.

A message to all

Girls and folks out there who write fanfics.

I am posting this because I think I need to set the record straight.... and I am tired of people getting hurt feelings and being drama-ish over things.

I LOVE to help anyone writing a fan fic... I will tell you what you can improve on, what could be better, what needs a lot of work. I will tell you straight up if I think something is good or if it's not. I wont yank your chain.

But PLEASE PLEASE.... don't IM me over and over telling me how much you suck, how bad the fan fic sucks and how you're a horrible writer. I don't have time to play counselor to you. Maybe that is rude but I am a mother of 5 kids. I run my own business and I talk with clients all the time, as well as spending hours on the computer editing photos. If I give you advice.. and you have questions... fine.. holler at me, ask me again... don't just IM me and tell me you suck. If you really sucked, I wouldn't deal with you.

There are a lot of people out there that may think this is out of line or rude.. well that's your opinion and you are entitled to it.

I have no issues helping people make their writing better. I am no expert.. I learn things from you guys as much as you learn from me.

But I am not here to boost your ego and tell you what a great writer you are, I am not here to write the scene for you and I am not here to listen to your whining about what a bad writer you are.
I'm not your psychiatrist, teacher or counselor.

I am a fellow fan fic writer who likes to write.

If you don't want to talk to me now.. that is fine...

If you understand where I am coming from.. then thank you.. :)

Imagination- Chapter 11

It took awhile but here it is. Chapter 11.. wow.
I was going to post a warning but why bother. There's sex.. read and enjoy.

I heard the hotel room door and rolled to my side, groggy eyes tried to focus on the man that walked back toward the bed. Iâ�™d already slammed my hand on the snooze button of the alarm clock twice before. Heâ�™d disappeared and I assumed heâ�™d went to get coffee.
He had a smile on his face and when he realized I was awake, it broadened even more. I stretched out my arm, the sheets sliding down off of my partially naked form, leaving me uncovered from the waist up. Since moving in with Shannon I had gone from always wearing a t-shirt and shorts to bed to wearing little more than panties. I liked the feel of my flesh against his, so did he.
His knee found the bed, and the springs groaned softly against the weight of him. His hand reached out, pushing soft tendrils of hair from my face, smoothing it back.
â�œDid I wake you babe?â� he asked quietly. My head shook just slightly.
â�œAlarm. I have to get up and start getting ready soon,â� I told him, not pleased with the idea of what was going to happen today. He gave me a sad smile.
â�œIâ�™ll be with you, youâ�™ll be ok.â� I lifted my hand and laid it against his arm, letting it slide down his muscled arm, lightly sliding over the brightly colored tattoo on his left arm. He shivered under my touch and I saw the goose flesh rise on his tanned skin.
His gaze was like a weight against my chest, it took my breath. There was so much written in that gaze.
â�œWhere were you?â� I asked softly voice just audible enough for him to hear me. I didnâ�™t want to ruin the moment.
â�œI was talking to Jare, had a couple things on my mind and I didnâ�™t want to bother you,â� he explained.
He leaned on his right arm, placing it over me, weight resting there so that he was angled slightly over me. I fit in the triangle of his body and arm, his eyes intent on mine. His left hand came to slide between my breasts, a finger tracing an invisible line downward until he reached the sheets. That one touch made me draw in a shaking breath, filling my lungs with much needed air.
I gazed at him leaning over me, my hand touching him wherever I wanted, where I could. His chest was bare, the tiny smattering of hair drawing my attention over the expanse. I slid my fingers up into that soft patch, drawing my nails down his chest, over his navel to the top of the cotton shorts he wore. I smiled as he inhaled deeply, eyes closing. My hand revisited the same path, working itâ�™s way back up his chest, stopping only when my hand reached as far as it could.
He leaned down, brushing his full lips over mine, our eyes meeting, gazes locked.
â�œI love you,â� he whispered, left hand coming up to cradle my face, â�œI look at you and it still amazes me that youâ�™d even give me the time of day. And then you look at me, like you are right now.â� He took a ragged breath. â�œI can see how much you love me. You make me want things I never wanted before. You make me better. Iâ�™m so lucky, so fucking luckyâ� he murmured against my lips, the soft touching of our mouths as he spoke made things inside me tighten, a rush of heat that struck straight down to my core. It was hard to breathe, hard to think past the words heâ�™d just spoken. I wanted to cry, no one had ever said anything so beautiful to me.
He pulled the covers down, tossing them off of me as he shifted on the bed, moving a leg on either side of my own legs, hovering over me.
A hand went to each side of my head and he lowered himself down on his forearms leaving his hands free to embrace the sides of my face, pushing my hair back from my face, holding it there. My own hands went to his sides, resting on his ribs, feeling each deep breath he took. I let my hands move then, sliding up his chest, through the soft hair that covered him, over the muscles of his chest, then up to his neck and down his shoulders. He drew in a shaking breath, his eyes closing briefly as my hands touched him. His weight on top of me felt welcome, constant and steady. I turned his face slightly so we could look at each other.
His gaze was powerful, holding me captive, unable to look away. But the truth was I had no desire to look away, I was a willing hostage to the passion in his eyes.
Lifting my head from the pillow, I pressed my lips to his softly, wanting to taste him. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, feel his tongue teasing my lips until I couldnâ�™t breathe. The course hair of his mustache tickled my lips, the stubble along his chin scraped my own, my body trembling at that sensation.
He slid a hand under my head, supporting me as our mouths fused. I licked and nipped at his lips, ate at them. Teeth, tongue, and lips all used to fuel the fire the already burned inside me.
He growled low and hungry against my lips, his hand tightening in my hair as he rolled us to our sides, giving his other hand the freedom to travel the length of my body. He brought chills to my skin, making me quiver under his touch.
The cotton panties I wore were being pushed down over my hips and I rose up to help him, twisting my body so that he could remove them with one hand. Our lips never parted as he stripped me of that final barrier of cloth, leaving my skin naked for him.
One of his hands skimmed my body, down my side and over my hip. His touch was feather light, making me shiver at the smallest touch from the pad of his fingers. My eyes closed from that touch, so soft, so full of promise.
He rolled me over to my back, that one hand still in my hair, the other slid down my body, cupping a breast. His hand felt warm, and my nipple hardened even more under his palm as he slid it so slowly over me. My back arched, my body responding to him whether I really wanted to or not. He made me breathless, aching with need for him. It was always this way, he made me feel so much. He never stopped kissing me, his head tilting to kiss me deeper.
His legs were between mine and I spread them farther, letting him settle against me, that hard, thick part of him resting against me. My hands went to his hair, sliding into the short tresses.
His lips broke from mine and he looked down at me. His hazel eyes burned with need and his mouth parted, breath escaping from him as he pushed inside me.
â�œGod I love you,â� he said as his body filled me, joining us in the most intimate way. He didnâ�™t move, he held himself there, letting me feel him, us, together. I stared back at him, my hands caressing his cheeks, his face.
â�œI love you too Shan,â� I whispered back my thumb sliding over his lip as my palm rested against his stubble covered cheek.
His movements were slow, deliberate as we made love. Our bodies took and gave, our mouths only parting for small gasps and moans here and there. He moved deeper and faster, the sweat building along his back and chest, my hands sliding through it as I clung to him, nails finding purchase wherever I could on his skin. I felt the muscles of his back, stretch, relax and contract as our bodies moved faster, more desperate.
I looked up, watching his face as he moved faster, deeper inside me, to the point that it hurt, the kind of hurt that brought so much pleasure. Weâ�™d never been like this; so frantic, so reckless. Our moans and gasps filled the room, the sound of flesh on flesh filling those times when our voices didnâ�™t. His eyes met mine and I felt such a rush then. It was all male, all Shannon. He loved me and I saw it in his eyes. I felt it in his body and heard it with his words. Every action screamed it and my soul responded. I was so close and then he spoke, softly, his hands coming up to hold my face between his hands.
â�œYouâ�™re my world," he said softly.
I cried out, my neck and back arching as my body seemed to crumble around him, shuddering in release. It felt so good, so right and those words had brought it all to the surface. My body felt liquid, tightening around him, holding him tight inside me as the rest of me rolled in the bliss I found in his body and in his arms.
He wasnâ�™t far behind me, the sound of his own orgasm so masculine, his head thrown back, arms held straight, back bowed above me. He looked so sexy, so perfect then. He stayed that way just a few moments before his arms relaxed and he collapsed on top of me with an â�œoofâ�.
I laughed, wrapping arms and legs around him more. His head raised and he smirked, then laughed with me, pressing his lips to mine hard, both of us grinning.
It was pure joy. He brought me that and more. It was like the words heâ�™d spoken earlier. I made him better, and he made me better. We made each other more just by our love. You donâ�™t find that often, some people never find it. I was going to hold onto it, keep it. I wouldnâ�™t let him go, Iâ�™d fight heaven and hell to keep this man in my life.
His head lifted slightly and he kissed me once more before he spoke.
â�œLetâ�™s get in the shower and go see your family.â�
The funeral didnâ�™t seem so harsh now, it didnâ�™t seem so upsetting because I had him with me, I had him in my life and I knew heâ�™d be there, no matter what.
I nodded, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him hard once more. He laughed and rolled off of me.
â�œCome on,â� he said as he grabbed my arm and tugged me from the bed.
I went.

Question-- Answered

Thanks for Shannon's middle name
Much appreciation from me

Thanks

Imagination- Chapter 10.5 --Heroin Crossover

This is another chapter which Heroin and Imagination will actually share. Much thanks and props are given to Readyrunaway for her help with this chapter.

Enjoy folks!!!

Shannon dialed his brother and paced outside the hotel. He'd left K sleeping inside. His trip to Niagara Falls with her had taken a turn he'd not expected and he had to change things. Quick.

"grrnnn" The irritating ringing on the bedside table forced Jared's head deeper into the pillow, trying to ignore the loud-as-all-fuck noise blasting from his tiny blackberry. Finding no possible escape, he pulled his shaggy haired head from the pillow, grumbling as he snatched the phone, hitting "talk" as he brought it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Jare..it's Shan. We gotta talk dude.. I messed up.. I mean I didn't mess up but I kinda messed up. Fuck.. dude... " he rambled, running a hand through his dark hair. "You gotta come here"

"You realize you're over 3 hours ahead, right? And its still early morning here, right?" He grumbled, attempting to run his fingers through his messy hair, propping up on his elbow, blinking in his drowsy state. "Why...what happened?" He doubted his brother could have done anything of TERRIBLE damage, and, he was known to over-react . He wasn't too concerned.

"I... K took me to Niagara Falls.. I mean I've seen it before but she was there and we were taking pictures and I ... shit.. I sorta told her I wanted to spend my life with her. I didn't ask her but.... now I gotta do it.... and we said we'd do it together" he ran his hand through his hair once more, pacing on bare feet on the sidewalk. "It was so fucking perfect Jare"

Instantly he snapped to attention, looking lightly over the side of his bed, as if to make sure that the safe box was still under it. His eyes wide he turned his head away from the sleeping girl beside him. "Jesus! You're kidding me Shan!" He whispered harshly, unable to contain the immediate flare in his temper. He became scared, feeling a pit in his stomach.

"No.. would I be calling you at 6 am.. would I be up at 9 am if this wasn't serious?" he exclaimed. "Things... are different. I can't explain it but I gotta do this. We could do it in Canada, at the falls, take the girls to dinner at the Minolta and then go to the falls."

"Fuck..." He seethed, unable to compose much more. He felt like he was jerked awake, abruptly sent into a frightening, uncertain world. Where it was a now or never decision. "Alright, alright..." he repeated, taking deep breaths. "When do you think I could get us a flight up there? I guess we have to do this..." He bit his lip, scooting up on the bed.

"Flights are pretty easy to get late. K and I flew out here on a red-eye. The bathroom was great" he teased, thinking back to that night.

"Then, I guess, i'll be getting us a flight as soon as we can, tonight even." His voice was still quiet, intensifying each word. "Jesus Shan...did You bring your ring, or do you need me to pick it up?"

"I have it.. it's in my suitcase. For some reason I threw it in there, I wasn't planning it but I felt like I should take it for some reason." he paused a minute, looking up at one of the trees. "Is it right to love someone this much. I really didn't think .... I mean.. you know what I mean don't ya?" he asked.

"Yeah...I know what you mean..." He smiled lightly. "Although, I have to say, I'm fucking scared...You've pushed this...lightning fast." He shook his head. "Thank you..." He smiled.

"Have you ever had this moment, that you just said what you felt, what you really felt and it changed everyrthing in the blink of an eye? That was how it happened, we're standing at the falls, and she looked up at me with this smile and I told her I wanted her with me the rest of my life. I didn't think before the words came out." he told his brother. "I still havent even talked to Ma"

"You better call her, if you go and get engaged without her knowing...well..." He laughed lightly, thinking of the fiery spirit of Their mother. "and...yeah...i think i know what you mean..." He grew distant, thinking of the day Meg caught him singing in the middle of the night. "Its...humbling..." He sighed. "grounding..."

"Yes! Exactly!" he said nodding his head even though his brother couldn't see it. "That is how it felt. Humbling. Here I was at this amazing place, with a woman that makes my world and it really made me feel small, and very lucky"

He grinned, pleased he wasn't in love and alone. He had someone he could bounce against, someone he could confide with. "Luck...Your girl says luck ain't got nothing to do with it." He laughed lightly. "What do you have to say about, soul mates?" He vividly remembered the conversation, thinking back.

"She does huh?" he smirked and thought over the question. "I think I found mine. Have you ever known any girl who ever complimented me like she does? Of all my girlfriends, have you ever really liked one as much as you like K?"

"Shan, all your other girlfriends were obnoxious..." he said in a seasonable tone, shaking his head. "and, in some cases, distracting...and you know they were...K is perfect for you, without a doubt." He smiled broadly, undeniably feeling his bother's excitement, as if it were seeping through the phone.

"Yeah.. she is. "He laughed. "Holy shit.. I'm getting married" he yelled and then looked around quickly. "God I'm a mess" he laughed. "So I need to call mom... shit.. K has to meet mom when we get back. I'm doing this all backward"

"We, Shan, WE'RE getting married..." He said, suddenly realizing he was still beside Meg. His eyebrows jumped as she shuffled a bit, forcing him to slowly get up, and nearly dash from the room, lest she wake up and hear everything. It was still early, so he doubted she had awoken, and anything she heard, would translate to dreams. "And..." He started, closing the door lightly behind him.

"And.... we're getting old" he teased back.

"you're getting old..." Jared countered, narrowing his eyes as if staring down his brother. "I'm still fine off...look at the age group you're attracting!" He grinned. "At least i'm still getting the young ones"

"Did you just call my soon to be wife old" he laughed. "Well look... Meg might be young in years but in her head.. and heart she is perfect for you. I should go.. K will be up soon. The funeral is at noon today"

"Yeah she is..." He nodded, smiling. Yet, found himself turn grave at the mention of the impending funeral on the other side of the line. He shuffled nervously, biting again at his lip. "Noon? Its..." He looked at a clock, doing the math in his head. "what...9:30 there? Yeah...the time you need for that is extensive...Meeting her family, and...the funeral...part..."

"Already met the family at the viewing last night. They're wonderful, never even gave me a wayward glance. Her mom says I'm cute too.. not too bad eh?"

"...Like i said..look at the age group you're attracting" He laughed smartly, entering the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee. "No, but, they like you, points for that."

"You haven't seen her mom." he laughed. "She looks young. Anyway.. I'm gonna go. Today might be a little rough so I want to be there. Call me when you know the flight time." he said as he walked back into the hotel

"Will do, Good luck" He nodded, leaving the coffee to brew, in quest for the laptop, the phone still pressed to his ear. Hope of returning to sleep was completely gone from his system. So began another early morning

"Same to you.. talk to ya soon' He cut the phone before he slipped back into the hotel room.

Imagination- Chapter 10

Shannon stepped out of the rental car and turned to look at me as I slipped out of the other door. Weâ�™d spent most of the morning at the viewing for my Aunt Rose and now we were taking a little time for us.
My family had instantly loved Shannon, pulling me aside to tell me over and over how he was such a great guy and to tell me how I glowed when I was with him. It was such a relief for me, to know they accepted him. No one even asked him for an autograph even though they knew who he was. My younger brother and Shannon had talked about music for awhile while I was greeting family I hadnâ�™t seen in over a year. Seeing them together made me get that full feeling in my heart once more. I smiled at him as he came around the SUV and reached for my hand. Both of us had our cameras around our necks, hanging there as we walked toward the entrance.
â�œDonâ�™t you love how you can hear the falls from here in the parking lot?â� he asked. I nodded.
â�œIt was the first thing I ever noticed coming here, that and how it got so much cooler the closer you got the falls. I never appreciated it until I was older and really understood how amazing it really is hereâ� I told him as he reached for my hand. Our fingers laced together as we walked down the path. Heâ�™d worn a cap pulled low over his eyes and black hoodie over his jeans. This was one of the few times we hoped no one recognized him. We wanted time alone, time to just be ourselves.
He squeezed my hand as he looked over at me, a smile on his face as he nodded his head toward the falls. The water could barely be seen through the trees but the sound and the cooler temperature left little doubt it was there.
We almost ran down the hill, stopping at the rail next to the American Falls. He let go of my hands, pulling me in front of him as we gazed out at it. His chin rested on my shoulder, his hands locked at my abdomen. I lifted the camera, taking a few shots of the water, making sure to catch the sunlight as it bounced off the water.
â�œItâ�™s beautiful isnâ�™t it?â� he asked.
â�œYeah, it is, to think nature did thisâ�¦ amazingâ� I spoke over the sound of water. I felt his lips against my cheek and I smiled, turning to catch the edge of his lips with mine. He chuckled and hugged me tighter. I covered his hands with my own as we stood there, watching the water, listening to the sound of it. It made you feel small in comparison, the force and power of that water falling hundreds of feet to the rocks below. The mist that rose from the river below blew back in our face, the tiniest drops of water against our faces. He buried his face into my neck and I closed my eyes as he did. There was some comfort in being there with him. The world seemed not so harsh; the sadness of Aunt Rose not being with us anymore, not so hard to accept.
â�œThank you again for coming with meâ� I told him softly. He lifted his head, pressing soft lips to my temple.
â�œThere is no where else in this world Iâ�™d wanna be.â� He pulled from me and took the camera, raising it and I furrowed my brows.
â�œYou donâ�™t need more pictures of me Shan,â� I complained. He growled.
â�œShut up and smile. I want pictures of my girlfriend at Niagara Falls, now smile bitch.â� He teased me and I burst into laughter before I heard the shutter on his camera click off several shots. I shook my head and reached for his hand, tugging him away from the rail. â�œCome on.. weâ�™re going to the islandâ� I told him as we began our trip over to Goat Island.
For those of you who have never been to Niagara Falls; the American and Horseshoe Falls are separated by a small splotch of land called Goat Island. Goat Island is very green, lots of trees and small paths that take you literally down to the rivers edge where you can stand near the rapids before they go over the falls. From Goat Island you can go over to Terrapin Point, which is the best place in America to see the Horseshoe Falls. Words would fail to even describe it so I wonâ�™t try but know that it was awe inspiring, to say the least.
Shannon let me lead him, and we stopped to take photos of the water, the trees, whatever caught our fancy. It wasnâ�™t until we reached Terrapin Point that we really spoke again. He stopped and leaned over the rail, looking out over the Horseshoe falls.
â�œBoy, if you ever need something to make you feel insignificant in the world, standing here can sure do itâ� he said quietly.
â�œTry going on the Maid of the Mistâ� I said pointing to the small boat of people that were in the river, near the base of the falls. â�œThat really makes you feel small.â�
He looked like a kid on Christmas. â�œWe have to go do that!â� he exclaimed. I laughed.
â�œMaybe we can get to it tomorrow before we leave. That is probably the last trip of the day.â�
â�œYeahâ�¦ I have to do thatâ� he said with a nod. I turned and took a photo of a rainbow that spread over the falls. There were only certain times of the day that the sun hit the water perfectly. It was then that I saw Shannon watching me and I turned to look at him, a bright smile on my face. He smiled back and held a hand out to me. I took it and moved close to him.
â�œWhatâ�™s up?â� I asked.
â�œNothing, just looking at the woman Iâ�™m gonna spend my life with.â� He said with a tenderness in his voice that I donâ�™t think Iâ�™d ever heard before. His words created such a feeling inside me. It made my stomach turn, made me warm instantly from head to toe and it made me almost dizzy at the same time. I stared at him, wondering what in the hell I did to deserve this? What karmic thing had I done to bring such a wonderful man into my life?
I let the camera hang to my side and touched his cheek.
â�œI wouldnâ�™t mind spending the rest of my life with you Shan, and I plan on doing itâ�
He grinned, that silly, totally happy grin that made my heart melt and I laughed as he picked me up, swinging me around. People watched us and smiled, a few people even took photos but none of it mattered, we could have cared less. My arms were around his neck and we kissed, both of us still smiling. It wasnâ�™t something we could contain and I didnâ�™t want to.
When he sat me down I gazed at him, thanking my stars, God, and whoever else I could for the chance to be with such a wonderful guy. I once told Jared that luck wasnâ�™t really what brought us together, that it was fate. I believed it even more now, looking at the man in front of me, seeing his smile, hearing the love in his voice, his words.
â�œCome onâ�¦ â�œ I said pulling him over to the grassy area, pulling him down to the ground with me. He laid back on the ground, gazing at the sky, then to me.
â�œDoes life get any better than this?â�
â�œWhen youâ�™re behind the drums on stage?â� I asked and he nodded.
â�œYep, I think that might be itâ� he said as he reached up, tugging one of my dark curls with his fingers. â�œBut itâ�™s different, being on stage and with youâ�

â�œWell of course,â� I answered frankly. â�œHow can you compare the two? You canâ�™t live without being on stage, without playingâ�
â�œAnd I wonâ�™t live without you. I refuse,â� he said quickly.
â�œAnd Iâ�™d never ask you to.â� I retorted right back. He gave a solid nod of his head.
â�œGood, Iâ�™d hate to have to take you prisoner or something.â�
â�œI might like that,â� I said wiggling my brows at him. He grabbed me, quicker than I expected and I was on my back, looking up at him.
â�œBehave yourself woman, or that airplane bathroom is gonna be childâ�™s play.â� I laughed, looking into his eyes.
â�œWell I guess Iâ�™ll be as bad as I want then.â� He looked down, trying to look menacing but we both began to laugh, rolling on the ground, wrapped in each others arms. We were like children, enjoying the world, enjoying life for those few moments of freedom from everything else.
Times like this, this was what it was all about. I once read a quote that I think of when Iâ�™m with Shannon more than anyone else.
â�œLife isnâ�™t about the breaths you take, itâ�™s about the moments that take your breath awayâ�
This was one of those moments, every moment with Shannon, stole my breath and I wouldnâ�™t have wanted it any other way.

Imagination- Chapter 9

Ok kiddies.. here is a little warning.

This chapter has some pretty graphic sex, so if you shouldn't be reading this, or it makes you uncomfortable, skip it. It's done with taste but it's still kinda intense.

Now that said.... Read and enjoy!!

I smoothed Shannonâ�™s t-shirt down his chest for the fourth time in a few moments. We stood near his car at the airport curbside check in. He grabbed my upper arms, staring into my eyes.
â�œK, I can go with you, if you want me toâ� he told me and I shook my head.
â�œNoâ�¦ you guys are getting ready to leave soon and youâ�™re working on the sets and the recording.â�
â�œAnd Jared said it was ok if I left for a couple days. You donâ�™t have to go do this aloneâ� he reminded me, and part of me wanted to tell him to come with me, to beg him to. Heâ�™d still not met my family and I wanted them to meet him but now? At a funeral? It was only my great aunt but Iâ�™d loved her and I wanted to be there for my family. Would bringing Shannon be in poor taste?
I sighed, resting my head against his chest, my hands gripping his muscular arms.
â�œGod Shannonâ�¦ I donâ�™t wanna do this at all.â� I whispered. He stroked my hair.
â�œYou donâ�™t have to do this alone babyâ�¦ I can go, itâ�™s ok.â�
I lifted teary eyes to him and nodded. â�œPlease?â� I asked and he pressed his lips to mine, hard and then pulled away.
â�œI already had a ticket boughtâ� he whispered. â�œI wasnâ�™t going to let you get on that plane alone, what kind of boyfriend would I be?â� he asked as he grabbed his own bag from the trunk, handing it to the baggage handler.
I broke down then, clinging to him like a small child. He loved me, and I had no doubts, no fears, nothing. Iâ�™d never felt so sure, never so complete as I did right then, at that moment.
â�œCome on babe, letâ�™s get inside and get past security. Jared wants us to call when we get in Buffaloâ�
I let him lead me along the way, letting him take care of me. It was the first time I felt so drained, so numb and I wanted him to handle it all. He was my rock and I could lean on him.
Once through security, we walked over to a group of chairs and sat down. Iâ�™d brought my iPod and purse and Shannon had a laptop in his case and his iPod as well. I knew we had a long flight ahead of us, but all I could think about was the sadness I was going to endure back home.
My great aunt was my grandmothers sister but Iâ�™d always called her Auntie Rose. I would miss her, but sheâ�™d lead a full life. The sadness was met with a kind of acceptance of life. Life was a cycle and I had to expect that at some point, that cycle has to come to an end.
I rested my head on Shannonâ�™s shoulder and he kissed my forehead.
â�œI love you K,â� he whispered, wrapping a strong arm around my shoulders. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, stopping the tears that threatened to spill out.
â�œI know you do Shannon. I love you too,â� I said opening my eyes to gaze into his, tears sliding down my cheeks.
He turned, pushing my bangs from my face, then wiped away my tears with his fingers. â�œYou know, when I saw you that day I was so angry, that you were taking photos of Meg and Jare, but then, I saw your eyes when you looked at the photograph. I heard it in your voice, you love what you do, it wasnâ�™t for money. I knew that, I knew it in my heart but I wanted a reason to see you again. I was so scared youâ�™d tell me to go take a hike. Every morning I wake up and smile when I see you next to me.â�
I wanted to laugh at him.
â�œI was scared to death that you were going to try and sue me or something,â� I admitted to him, grinning. â�œI thought Iâ�™d made the biggest mistake of my life. And then when you showed up at the house, when we looked at the photos together, I kept thinking how Iâ�™d love to see you more.â�
He chuckled, hugging me close to him. â�œOne moment changes your entire life.â� He looked at me, a soft smile on his lips. â�œAnd Iâ�™m so glad for that momentâ�
â�œYou and me bothâ� I replied before we looked over, the lady calling out our flight over the speaker. Heâ�™d lifted my spirits with his confession, sharing those thoughts with me.
I should have known heâ�™d get first class and that was exactly what heâ�™d done. His took my hand as we walked down the boarding ramp and onto the plane. I was shocked to find we were all alone in first class. Of course it was midnight and most business folk were done traveling for the day. Weâ�™d taken the late flight so we could sleep for most of it. Weâ�™re lazy, sue us.
The flight attendant greeted us with smiles and took us to our seats. I sat down, looking at him as he arranged the case under his seat.
My life was so much fuller because of him. I felt like I had more to do in my life than just work, and take photographs. I had someone to take care of, I had a real purpose.
We hooked our seatbelts and it took maybe 45 minutes before we were in the air. The flight to Buffalo was around 8 hours so we had plenty of time to talk and to just sit there together.
Now and again I would look up to catch him watching me with a smile on his face. I rubbed his hand, whispering to him how much I loved him. He would always lean over and kiss me and tell me he loved me too. He was doing a good job of keeping my mind off of what I was on my way home to do.

Iâ�™d fallen asleep because I woke up, my head propped against the wall with a pillow and Shannon was talking to the flight attendant. I saw her laughing and he was as well.
Blinking the sleep away from my eyes I smiled as he walked back over to me.
â�œHow long did I sleep?â� I asked.
â�œOh, an hour or so I guess, we still have over five hours.â� He told me. I sighed and laid my head back against the seat. He looked at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he held out his hand.
â�œCome with meâ�
I took his hand and stood as we walked to the bathroom. He grinned, wiggling his brows at me and I stared, wide eyed and open mouthed.
â�œNOâ�¦ oh noâ� I said with a laugh. He smiled, big and bright, eyes twinkling.
â�œCome onâ�¦ I paid the flight attendant to give us 30 minutes alone.. donâ�™t make me have wasted good money.â�
â�œMy God you really didâ� I said totally shocked. He nodded and opened the door.
â�œAfter you beautifulâ� he said almost shoving me inside.
I laughed as he stepped in behind me, tugging the door closed.
I watched those hazel eyes and couldnâ�™t look away. He did the funniest things, the most memorable things. I reached up and sank my fingers into his hair, pulling him to me for a kiss. I heard him groan in response, his hands gripping my waist hard, holding me to him.
Our tongues teased and tasted each other until we were breathless and I pulled back. He said nothing as he unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them and my underwear down my legs and off of me. I stepped out of them and left them on the floor. His eyes were so intense as he took my hands, putting them on his jeans. We never spoke as I undressed him, feeling him spring free, hard and thick as his pants were left on the floor as well. He captured my lips with his once more, biting at them, nibbling at my bottom lip as he pressed his body against mine. He stole my breath from me, stole all my inhibitions. He wanted me and I wanted him just as much. My hands slid down his hips then to his ass, gripping him, pulling him tighter still against me.
His mouth moved from mine, down my chin and then along the line of my jaw to my ear.
â�œYou want me donâ�™t you?â� he asked huskily. I replied with a breathless yes before his voice was in my ear again. â�Itâ�™s exciting isnâ�™t it, the risk, knowing someone might hear us, or someone might come to the door.â� The sound of his voice made me want to scream but I knew weâ�™d be heard. He grabbed the back of my head, his fingers tangling themselves in my hair, his other hand lifted me to the edge of the small stainless steel sink. He stared into my eyes as he spoke in a whisper. â�œWrap your legs around me.â�
I did exactly what he told me to and I could feel him hard and thick against me. He leaned in then and kissed me. It was slow, like he had all the time in the world. His tongue slid along my lips, then he used teeth once more, nipping playfully as his hands pushed my t-shirt up, pushing the bra up as well, exposing my breasts.
Iâ�™d never seen Shannon like this, so dominant, so sure of himself and God it turned me on. His hands slid up my body then, over my breasts, cupping them gently. I let my head fall back, a sigh escaping my lips as I reached down to grip the edge of the sink. He looked at my hands and smiled.
â�œDonâ�™t move your hands.â� he told me with a crooked grin. I couldnâ�™t believe we were doing this. We were on a plane in the bathroom. I opened my eyes to look at him again.
He gave me a hint of a smile as his hands ran over my breasts once more. Now that I was holding the sink, it left his hands free to touch me and he took that opportunity.
I couldnâ�™t pull my eyes from him as he leaned down and kissed the center of my chest, his hands sliding up and down my thighs, giving me chills. Just the touch of his lips, and knowing that he could touch me wherever he wanted was such a turn on.
He lifted his eyes, watching me as he bit gently at the side of my breast. I giggled, a low happy sound as he repeated the action on the opposite breast. I loved this man, trusted him with my heart and my life, and we were having sex on a plane. Could it get any better?
His eyes lifted briefly then he took my breast in his mouth, his tongue tasting me, teasing my nipples into hard peaks and taking my breath from me.
He straightened up then, gazing into my eyes as he looked down between our bodies and slowly, slid inside me. Once he was sheathed inside me, he looked into my eyes again and it was my undoing.
I let my head fall back and groaned quietly. I wasnâ�™t sure where this came from, why he was doing this but it was so good, I didnâ�™t question it. He took the chance to kiss me as his hips moved slowly, not wanting to rush anything. I wanted to touch him but when I raised my hand, he pushed it back down, holding it on the sink with his own.
I caught my bottom lip with my teeth, wanting to moan, to yell at him, to do something with the excitement and the rush I felt through my body.
His hips began a slow rhythm, and I whimpered. He smiled, rather pleased with himself and that slow pace grew faster. He knew me, knew my body, knew what I liked and what I didnâ�™t and now he was using it all to drive me crazy with need.
Our bodies moved together in an ancient dance, my hips pushing against his, our breathing coming faster and more frantic. I wanted to touch him so badly, wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and hold onto him as he made love to me. It might have been in a plane lavatory but there was no doubt he loved me. He must have read my mind because he let go of my hands and I wrapped them around his neck, pressing lips hard to his, gasping for air as I felt him pushing into me deeper, and harder than before.
It tore a soft cry from my throat as his lips found my ear and he whispered to me. â�œI love you so muchâ�¦. so much.â� My lips were so dry and I licked them before pressing them to his cheek. â�œI love you too Shan.â�
His arms wrapped tight around my waist and he picked me up, moving me from the sink to press my back against the wall there. We barely had room to move, but he found a way and as he pushed me hard against the wall, I felt him at a deeper, sharper angle.
I whimpered then and he moved faster. He made a soft sound as his lips latched onto my neck, sucking gently, teeth biting as he slid in and out of me. His breath washed hot over my ear as he spoke.
â�œBet you didnâ�™t think youâ�™d be doing this did ya?â� he asked. I wanted to ask him if he really wanted to talk then but words werenâ�™t coming. Small contented moans and whimpers slipped from my lips as he pushed me toward release. So many things went through my mind then as I tightened my hold around his neck, pressing my lips hard against his so I wouldnâ�™t get too loud. His hands slid down to my thighs, holding me against the wall as we kissed. His pace increased, his own soft sounds of pleasure were lost against my mouth as we kept kissing.
I licked, nipped and ate at his mouth as if I drew my very breath and existence from him. I opened my mouth against his, drawing in a harsh gasp as he pushed hard into me.
His eyes watched me, fingers digging into my thighs harder.
â�œDonâ�™t hold back, no one is here but us.â� he said against my mouth and it sent chills down my body. This was a side of Shan I knew was there but itâ�™d never had the chance to surface.
I moved my hips against his, letting him know with body that I wanted, needed more. My arms wrapped tight around his head, hands in his hair as I kissed him, feeling the climax build. His eyes were so intense as he watched me. He drew in a sharp breath as he pushed inside me hard, holding himself there.
â�œDo you have any idea how sexy you are? Any idea?â� he groaned. No words could come close to what I felt, how he made me feel. He growled against my neck, whispering soft words of love in my ear as he moved more franticly inside me and that was when the dam broke.
My body tightened around him and I threw my head back, hitting it on the wall harder than I thought as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over me, relieving the tension that had built. I felt him, moving faster and then he grew very still, his head buried into my neck and I knew heâ�™d been right after me.
It took only seconds before he lifted his head, breathless, eyes full of laughter. I met his gaze and then blurted out. â�œOww!â�
â�œYour head ok?â� he asked, chuckling as he kissed my chin. I broke into a fit of giggles and he followed until we were both laughing.
He let me down and we took a minute to clean up, get back into our clothing and then he was kissing me again. His smile was so pure, so happy and I threw my arms around him again, laughing in pure joy at the moment, at his love.
â�œI love you. Thanks for thisâ� I told him with a smile.
â�œOh it was my pleasure, trust meâ� he teased, grabbing my butt as he pulled me tight against him. I looked around the tiny room then back at him. There was that moment when you donâ�™t need to speak, your eyes, your touch says what words canâ�™t. I felt it and he did too, I could see it. We kissed, soft, tender, taking our time to enjoy it.
â�œWanna get outta here?â� I asked in a whisper, breaking the silence.
â�œThat sounds good, why donâ�™t we try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day.â� he replied, opening the door. Both of us stuck our heads out, looking for the attendant then we found each others gaze and began to giggle like school kids as we rushed back to our seats.
Once we were settled I leaned my head on his shoulder, our hands clasping on the arm of the seat. He lifted our hands, looking at them.
â�œPromise me youâ�™ll always be there?â� he asked softly, turning to look at me. I met his eyes and nodded softly.
â�œI promise Shan, I will always be there for you.â� I whispered and Iâ�™d never meant words like I meant those. He leaned over and kissed me, softly and smiled.
â�œAnd Iâ�™m always gonna be there for you, even when you try and be strong and do it without me.â�
My chest swelled with love then and I felt the tears sliding into my eyes again.
â�œI know and thank you for that. Thank you for everything,â� I said as I lifted his hand to my lips, kissing his knuckles. He squeezed my hand and then brought mine to his lips, repeating my action.
â�œYou never have to thank me for loving you, or taking care of you babe,â� he said and there was such a fierce look in his eyes, like heâ�™d fight the devil himself for me if he had to. It left me with a feeling of security Iâ�™d never had before, never felt and I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes, our hands still locked together. I had nothing to say back to that. Words seemed inadequate to tell him how much he meant, how much I had fallen in love with him. So I said the only thing I could think.
â�œI love you too Shannonâ�

Imagination.. Chapter... um.. I forget..8.. yeah 8

â�œWhat do you mean you arenâ�™t planning on going?â� Shannon asked, his eyes narrowed as he stared at me.
â�œJust what I said Shan, I have a job. I canâ�™t run off and be on tourâ� I replied as I turned to look at him.
â�œWell what the hell are we supposed to do? Spend 9 months or more apart?â�
â�œI donâ�™t know what you expected from me Shan, I have a job, I own a businessâ� I told him as he shook his head.
â�œI make enough money for both of usâ�
â�œI have a careerâ�¦ this isnâ�™t just what I do Shannon. This is what I am, this is my job.â�
â�œSo youâ�™re just going to leave me to go on tour, alone and youâ�™ll stay here to take photos of weddings?â�
â�œShannon, people book me sometimes over a year in advance, what exactly did you think I was going to do, tell them I canâ�™t be there. â�œSorry I canâ�™t photograph your wedding because my boyfriend is on tour. Hereâ�™s your money back hope you find someone?â� I snapped at him. I was beginning to get annoyed with him now, this conversation was insane. How could he think I would just give up my job?
â�œHire someone else, itâ�™s not like it has to be that hard. I could shoot a weddingâ�¦â� I glared at him and he closed his mouth, quickly.
â�œWhy donâ�™t you just find someone else to fucking play drums for Mars and you stay hereâ�¦ I mean it canâ�™t be that hard to find another drummerâ� I spat back at him before I turned to walk to the bedroom.
â�œFuck Karen, it isnâ�™t like this is a weekend jaunt, this is months of our lives and weâ�™re going to be apart and you seem to not give a shit.â� I turned to stare at him.
â�œHow the hell can you say that?â� I asked, almost yelling. â�œI love you Shannon, you think I am looking forward to being alone? Well Iâ�™m not but I have a business to run and I canâ�™t risk losing that business to run off on tour with youâ�
â�œWhy do you have to do this?â� he asked, almost whining. He really didnâ�™t understand it.
â�œBecause I love it, and itâ�™s what I do.â�
He frowned and I swear to God he stuck his bottom lip out as he stood there.
â�œIâ�™m not fucking happyâ� he complained.
â�œWell I am sorry, Iâ�™m not changing my mind. We can figure something out to see each other while youâ�™re gone but I canâ�™t go with you, not full timeâ� Shannon looked at her and threw his hands up in exasperation as he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
I sat down on the couch a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. Shan and I had argued and he'd walked out. I felt such guilt over it but I couldn't give up what I had worked so hard to get, just to go on tour. There was a knock at the door and I looked up, surprised to see Jared there.
He turned to take a quick glance back in the direction Shannon had walked. Shannon and Jared were such a special pair and I think it threw Jared off that Shannon didnâ�™t speak to him or pay him any attention at all. It was unlike him. Jared looked back at me then as if heâ�™d disturbed me.
â�œThe door was unlocked.â� he said as he moved to sit across from me in one of the chairs.
â�œItâ�™s ok. Shannon and I just had a big go around,â� I told him, running a trembling hand through my hair. I couldnâ�™t believe we were arguing over this. I wanted to be with him but it wasnâ�™t possible, not like he wanted.
"Oh..." He said, his eyebrows rising and falling in his understanding. He settled back in the chair watching me mess with my fingers, (as I did when nervous) gnawing on his lip as silence fought with the shouts of words yet to be spoken. "What happened...exactly"
"He thought that I was going to go on tour with you guys after the album was done and I told him I canâ�™tâ� I said looking over at him. "I have a job Jared, I have a business and I can't risk that. Shannon thinks it's all about money but its not, it's so much more than that. This..... my job.... it's who I am, and what I love." My tongue snaked out to wet dry lips. "Not to mention what if we split up? I have nothing if I blow off my business and that isn't something I intend to do"
He listened intently, nodding every once in a while, to physically move everything in his mind foreword, to a cluttered pile that made sense. He leaned on the arm rest, his hand framing his face as he listened to every word, reacting in subtle nature, as to not interrupt. "...Shan's intense..." He said simply, "He jumps to conclusions, he lives in a world, where if things aren't directed, they work out in a perfect fantasy. He lives in an awesome world, but it converges with others." He paused, waiting for his thoughts to filter. "Being in a band, does that."
"I know, thatâ�™s one of the things I love about Shan. He makes everything seem so much more alive, more meaningful. But this..... this isn't something like leaving the toilet seat up. This is our life. I know he thinks he should take care of me but this isn't about that. I have clients who I promised and gave my word to. I can't risk losing my reputation." I looked to Jared then. I felt the tears build, unfallen tears that clung to dark lashes. "I feel so guilty"
"I didn't say you weren't right...you are, you've made a commitment...in which case, it makes sense to follow than ignore." He paused a beat, before shocking himself as the words shot quick from his mouth, harsh and untamed, wild, and ragged. "Why the fuck would you be guilty?"
I blinked at how harsh it sounded. Jared could be like that, quiet and calm then from nowhere a harshness to him.
"Because I promised him I'd be with him" I said wringing my hands together again. "I love him Jared, I love him so much it scares me and I can't get past the fact that I think he's gonna leave. That one day I'm going to be alone and all I'm going to have will be my work" I swiped at the offending tears with the back of my hand. "I want to be with him but I'm too scared to just give in and be with him."
"You promised you'd be with him in life? You aren't breaking anything..." He said, confusion seeping into his voice. "Being gone for 9 months...is nothing compared to a lifetime." He switched between preaching and thinking aloud, it seemed. "Being alone isn't truly alone, unless, there is no relationship..." I looked across the room at him then.
"No but if you love someone you should be there for them. They shouldn't have to make an appointment to see you" I said quietly as I stood. "I could do it, I have people that work for me.. but .... I love my job, I don't want to leave it"
"Love requires compromise...does it not?" He asked, watching me get up "Even more so in a world that you've entered. Your mentality works, when you aren't touring, but I've had relationships, that, Only worked around my schedule. Its a bittersweet life, you gotta decide what means more, mutual happiness, even if you aren't getting everything you want...or suffering." He said, biting his lip.
"I can deal with it. I know I can fly out and see him during the week, I know I can travel a couple weeks in the summer with him when I am not busy. But is he going to accept it? He walked out on me,â� I sighed. â�œNot to mention I think heâ�™s very used to having things his way, not really having to compromise. I mean honestly, you guys usually have women falling all over themselves for you, Iâ�™m not that kinda girlâ�
â�œShan's intense..." He shrugged. "He's gonna get heated and walk out, he's probably throwing rocks at the ocean. But, knowing him, he'll probably come back soaked, because he accidentally threw a baby turtle and then, ran out to save it." He laughed softly, trying a hand at humor to ease the situation. "He's a brat, but he isn't heartless."
We spoke for maybe 20 more minutes until Jared looked up, the sound of the door heard through the house.
Jared looked at the door, then to me as Shannon appeared. He looked like a kid whoâ�™d been scolded. His eyes were down, shoulders slumped slightly. He looked between me and his brother, sliding a hand through his hair.
I walked over to him and slipped my arms around him, kissing his cheek.
â�œIâ�™m sorryâ� he said quietly, burying his face into the crook of my neck.
â�œAlready forgivenâ� I told him, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.
Jared smiled, I could see him from over Shannonâ�™s shoulder and I smiled. I think I loved Jared too, for his compassion, for the way he made me feel. He made me realize that Shannon and I were special. I found something that people search a lifetime for and Shannon realized it too. We had something amazing, and that was what scared us both so much. We didn't want to lose it, didn't want to mess it up. It was scary, and yet it felt so good, so right.
I hugged Shannon tighter to me and placed my lips against his ear.
â�œI love you Shannon, I love you so muchâ�
â�œI know K. I know and thatâ�™s what I hate. I donâ�™t wanna miss you. I want you with me, but youâ�™re rightâ�¦.you have a job.â� He lifted his head and looked at me.
â�œWeâ�™ll work it outâ�¦ I promiseâ�
I heard the door close and saw that Jared had slipped out, unnoticed. I smiled as I pressed my lips to Shannonâ�™s.
â�œCome on. Letâ�™s go sit out back and snuggleâ� I told him. He grinned and nodded.
â�œLetâ�™sâ�