You know me, You know what I can do

I stood outside of Shannon’s house, staring at the back yard area. The thing was, it wasn’t just Shannon’s house anymore, it was mine too. I lived there now. He’d asked me to move in and I had. Our relationship had started so fast, and had been so furious that sometimes I found it all too much to take in. I thought maybe that I was mistaking love for lust but I knew I loved him. You can’t feel something so filling, so real and not know it is love. Love is one thing that you just know, it can’t be described or explained. You feel it and it simply –IS-

I look at him while he sleeps and my heart feels like it could burst out of my chest. I watch him practice and I get breathless, my heart races and my palms sweat.I find myself enjoying it when he pouts, I love his bad moods once I take a step back and realize that I’m the one he comes to, to make it better. I don’t know how I got so lucky, how whatever powers that be brought us together but I am so grateful for it.

I watched soft white clouds drift through the sky, my mind wandering once more as I let the house support me. I wasn’t sure where my life was going, I just knew that I wanted Shannon in it and I would do whatever I had to to keep him.

I slipped my ear-buds into my ears and clicked at the wheel of my iPod. I scrolled to 30 Seconds to Mars and then to R-evolve; There was something about the song that just touched me. I think because it reminded me so much of Shannon. I had lied to myself before he came to me, I’d thought I was happy, I’d told myself that I didn’t need to share my life with a man. It was a lie, all of it. I needed him and I could see he needed me too.

That first day that he came to my house to return my flash card, my life changed. It was like I was truly alive for the first time in my life. Id been in love before, and I’d been hurt, badly but this, was something totally new, totally enveloping. The spark of excitement in his hazel-green eyes made me feel alive. The touch of his breath along my skin was like fire, warming me to the core.

I turned the volume up and closed my eyes, letting Jared’s voice carry me someplace that I could lose myself. I let myself picture Shannon playing the drums, let myself fall into a world of visions and dreams. I’d only seen the band at practice, I’d never seen them on stage, live, so I could only imagine what it was like. I try and picture it in my head, what I will feel, how it will be to see him up there, watching people scream and react to him on stage.
The music rang out in the headphones and I sang softly, enjoying have this time alone to myself.

I felt his hand on my cheek and my eyes slowly opened to see him standing there. It was only fitting as the words Jared sang caressed my ears and I continued to sing as Shannon gazed at me.

-Does it feel like we’ve never been alive-
-Does it seem like it’s only just begun-

 Shannon reached out then, hands sliding along my cheeks into my hair and then he was kissing me. I felt his tongue slide over my lips and I opened my mouth to him, tilting my head. We kissed deeper then, one hand sank into my hair, his fingers gripping it while the other moved down to my waist, pulling me away from the wall where I rested. I could hear the song still playing as he kissed me. It felt surreal, that I could be listening to a song he helped create while he kissed me. I felt him pull me tighter against him, and I pulled away just slightly. I tugged the ear buds from my ears then, looking up at him as he ran the back of his hand over my cheek.

“You have a pretty voice, why didn’t you tell me that you could sing?” I felt my cheeks flush and I shrugged, not wanting to embarrass myself.

“I guess we just never had reason to talk about it Shan, I don’t sing all that great, I can carry a tune.”  His head shook a little.

“No you have a beautiful voice. Sing something else for me?” he asked. I licked my lips before placing one of the small speakers back in my ear and forcing the song forward to A Modern Myth. I had no idea why I was doing this for him, but it had been such a genuine request that I felt he deserved it. I knew I could sing decently, I’d spent 8 years singing in choir at school. This was so open and so intimate, I felt nervous, like I could never be good enough for him.

The words to the song slipped from my lips quietly as I looked at him. I couldn’t look away from him, I don’t know why, but it seemed so much more intimate this way.

-Save yourself, save yourself
The secret is out, the secret is out-

He blinked and then his mouth was on mine as his hands tugged the iPod phones from my ears all but dropping the device on the ground. I didn’t realize that something as simple as singing a few words would make him react with such passion but it did.
His beard scraped the soft skin of my chin and my cheek as he slid his face along mine to whisper in my ear.
“God, how did I get so lucky?” he asked as his lips captured my ear lobe. I wanted to answer him but he was kissing me again, stealing my words as well as my breath.

My arms wrapped around his neck and the next thing I knew I was in his arms, scooped up like a small child as he pulled away from the kiss. He never spoke a word but he didn’t need to. His eyes said it all. He wanted me, and there was nothing that was going to keep him from it, and I had no intention of stopping him.

His weight on me felt like a comfort as he laid me back on the bed. I barely remember the walk into the room, or anything else for that matter. His lips on mine, his hands, tearing at the t-shirt I wore, that was what filled my mind. I felt my jeans slide off of me, followed by the underwear. I watched him undress, admiring his body, The hard muscles of his chest, the lines of his abs, the jutting of his hip bones, all of it drove me crazy. His mouth traveled over my body, exploring, teasing until I was begging him for release.

He gave it to me in the sweet thrusts of his hips and the soft kisses. He whispered to me over and over how he’d die without me, and how I gave his life so much meaning. I returned those words to him, he was my life right now, and he was all that mattered. This wasn't sex, it was so much more.

Our gentle and passionate lovemaking lasted most of the morning until I fell asleep sated in his arms. He wrapped himself around me and kissed my shoulder gently, his beard scratching the skin there. He told me again, how much he loved me, and how lucky he was that he found me.
He touched me in ways I never thought possible and I felt such a sense of belonging. I loved this man, with all my heart and he returned that love. I felt it, I saw it and he told me every day.

I wondered how it could ever get better.